Posted on Feb 22nd, 2009
by 
Xenia
Nothing, if not everything. I cannot distinguish one moment from my past that I keep with me more than any of the others.
Wait, that is not entirely true. The devil camp 2008. Those weeks have forever made me fear new beginings.
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Posted on Feb 5th, 2009
by Xenia
Actually, I try very hard to not love unconditionally. That kind of love is dangerous to the soul, or at least my soul...
Unfortunately for me, I've never seemed to avoid it. I love unconditionally. It's who I am.
Ugh...
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Posted on Feb 5th, 2009
by Xenia
I can't honestly say that I've been thinking of one more than the other. I can't seem to let go of the past. 'Tis a flaw. And I can never seem to stop fantasizing about the future.
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Posted on Feb 5th, 2009
by Xenia
When I was nothing more than a little child who spent her time listening to Britney Spears, my brother took me aside and played me Last Resort by Papa Roach. I still remember everything about that day. Twas my first taste of rock as a genre, and even if that song is extremely played out now, I still love it.
Now in days, alternative rock is my main genre. I mean, right now I mostly listen to trip-hop. I'm completely infatuated, but I always go back to my alternative rock. Always.
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Posted on Jan 26th, 2009
by Xenia
No, and there isn't a not depressing reason why. I have been through enough just at this age to never consider prolonging this life. Also, I would eventually watch everything die, wouldn't I? Again, I have lost everything too many times.
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Posted on Jan 5th, 2009
by Xenia
Apologies, coincidentially enough.
Even when I really deserve an apology, I never ask for it. Partially because I don't think it counts if you have to ask, and partially because I just don't have the guts to face it when someone I care about is treating me badly.
Because of this, I have a tendancy to forgive without any incentive other than my devotion and I have also developed the unwanted habit of forgiving but never forgeting. How can I forget when I never recieved proper closure?
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Posted on Jan 5th, 2009
by Xenia
Apologies.
I am an extremely proud person and find it difficult to apologize even for the stupidest and most insignificant things, let alone the big ones.
As it is, I almost always end up apologizing. It's just really hard for me, and sometimes takes a great deal of time. The only instances I can think of off the top of my head that I haven't apologized when I've wronged someone in the last few years, I haven't only because it has been good amount of time and I am no longer in contact with said people. I probably shouldn't bring it up, either way.
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Posted on Jan 3rd, 2009
by Xenia
1. Passionate
2. Frightened
3. Prepared
My love comes up again for these three words. He has been the center of my passion for a good long while now and as every thing slowly falls into place, my passion burns stronger. While I can't wait to see him and just be able to be close to him, I'm scared that our past will reenact itself.
And I am prepared for all three senerios: That I'll see him again and it won't cause disaster, that I'll see him again and it will cause disaster, and the possiblity that I'll have to delay our meeting again for a little longer...
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Posted on Jan 1st, 2009
by Xenia
(SHOUT OFF THE ROOF TOPS)
The end of days shall never come
The darkening sky shall light again
I tell myself, "No need to pray."
Come to me, as the prayers ask
Don't let this feeling go away
"I'm not a poet", I remind myself
(WHISPER INTO THE NIGHT)
These lines, versus, stanzas
They remind me of my weakness
"I love you, love you. I need you."
This love, this need, was pricy
You know it too, you feel it
"Not for me. It was never for me."
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Posted on Dec 30th, 2008
by Xenia
I recently discovered/accepted that I have fallen in love... with a boy... a state away and 2 years youger than me...
Anyways, I hadn't talk to him in a little while (aka two days) and we just started to have a conversation. He said 'Hi', and I smiled. He asked how I was, and I smiled. His presence makes me extremely happy.
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February 2009 
